Never, ever look under the hood when you think your car is on fire

Yep, I did that like a total dumbass, and that's with a capitol D followed but an all caps ASS. You see my car is producing this crazy smell that's a cross between burning plastic and rubber that's been pealed out on asphalt. So like all good car owners, who know nothing about cars, I decided to figure out where the offensive smell was coming from all on my own. So I looked under the hood - no puffs of smoke, no fire, no oozing substances, no low oil or low trannie fluid, and not a plastic bag wrapped around the engine block could be found. I even laid down in the road and looked under my car to see if I had run over a plastic bottle and it had some how lodged itself under my car, yet there was no bottle. However, a guy from my building saw me on the ground between my car and another one and he thought I fell and asked me if I needed help up - that was sort of embarrassing.

 

Then I brought in help - not from a mechanic silly, but from one of my friends. I mean, I was out shopping with my friend Krysta anyway so why not ask her what she thought the smell was. So after we sat in my car and sniffed and pondered it was decided that it had to be the emergency break. Because that and my front brakes where the last things fixed on the car, so that must be it, right? I mean never have two more brilliant minds met.

 

In fact, I found our diagnoses so brilliant that I even told the guy at the dealership what we thought the problem was. He just looked at me, smiled, and said he'd check that out (while, I'm sure, fighting the urge to pat me on my head in appeasement).

 

Oh silly little girl.

 

Said mechanic was also very concerned on how I was getting home. Did I need a ride, was my ride there already, did I need to call anyone. Never has a married guy, besides my dad, been so concerned about my welfare.

 

This car crap is rough and right before I'm off to Vegas. How am I going to roll with the best of them when I spent all my Vegas cash on car repairs? I guess I'll have to break out the boob shirts and see if I can get guys to pay for my stuff for me.