It was a dark and stormy night…

A bunch of us girls had decided to go to Seattle to see our pal Phil play guitar. The plan was to meet in Tacoma at 7:30pm, drive to Seattle, met Jaime, go get food, and then go to the Tractor. BUTTTT somewhere in our slamming down margaritas phase it came out that this evening should count as Danielle’s bachelorette party. And Jaime knew just where we should go – Centerfolds – a male strip club. Drunken shouts of “hell yeahs” were exclaimed and so we paid our bill and set out to the club.

MISTAKE.

We get there and the clubs quite, real quite. After we pay and walk in we discover that THERE IS NO BODY THERE. NOBODY. As in the five of us are the only ones there. Where are my buffers? Where are the groups of drunken women that I can hide behind? Oh fuck! I have no buffers. I need my buffers. Oh fuck.

By the time we take our seats I’m laughing so hard I can’t stand. The show starts, I can’t – I can’t watch. Tears are streaming down my face as I hiccup another laugh out of my body. M is laughing and crying so hard that her body is rattling. Jaime is text during her lap dance. The dude keeps giving lap dances to Holly; I moved a table in front of me so he won’t come up to me. The Fireman exits the stage after three of the longest songs ever played. Then policeman enters and he is tragic. He has no rhyme, he kicks Holly when trying to give her a lap dance. Then the worst thing ever happens, he gets completely naked. Oh FUCK. But he gets his underwear stuck on his shoe and is tugging on it and tugging on it. Jaime’s elbowing me like “oh my God,. Oh my God.” I honestly thinking I’m going to wet my pants.

At this point we all want to leave, but we feel bad because no ones there. But we have to go, I honestly don’t think I can handle one more dancer. The minute we get out of the club I stop and sit on the sidewalk because I’m laughing so hard I can’t walk. I think it took us a good 20 minutes to get to the car that was parked a few feet from the building because we were all laughing so much, we than sat in the car for another 20 before we could drive without laughing hysterically.

I often wonder how I get myself into these crazy situations.

CW