A haunting of my past in October no less, at least the irony isn’t lost on me

Last night I was cleaning out some boxes, a long overdue task, and I discovered some old writing journals and an old calendar from 2003. I tend to keep old calendars. I write down activities with friends in them, rehearsal schedules, small doodles and snippets of poems I have stuck in my head. It’s very Bridget Jones of me in a way. I get some of this desire to document life from my mom. She has tons of old calendars with important life milestones written on them. In fact my mom has a calendar that has the exact date marked of when I got my first phone call from a boy. I was in the 5th grade and I’m pretty sure that all we talked about ice cream during that fateful first call. If only life could stay that simple.

In my newly uncovered calendar I got to look back at a decline of a relationship and some key moments when I first started hanging out with some people who have turned out to be a group of trusted friends. And man was I involved in way too many plays, no wonder I burnt out on acting, good God! But this calendar held something else, a sort of key to my mindset back then, because written on one of the pages was my login and password for a long forgotten internet blog I started on the Live Journal site.

So like any good procrastinator, I abandoned my cleaning and logged on to this old blog to see what thoughts and feelings I had shared with the general public some three odd years ago. Wow, I was kind of a mess and WOW, I was a lot more honest when nobody I knew had access to my blogs. Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty honest in my blogs now, but I tend to focus on the craziness of the general world around me than share my inner most feelings.

Some of the entries focused on some things that I thought I never recover from; of course I have since recovered. Which only proves that time does heal all wounds. However, there were some things on the site that I would have rather not relived.

I don’t plan on having my blogs go in such a “raw” direction now, but just writing this has made me feel better… I archived some of the blogs on this site, mostly the ones that fit in with the mood of the blogs on this site. I sprinkled in a few of my sad ones, but not many, those will stay put on the other site.